If we are all honest with ourselves, we will admit that sometimes we are just painfully tired. We run around feeling like there are a million things to do, and there are billions of people in the world with their own million things to do. We never want to show a sign of weakness. Never want to be the one moaning about how tired they are or how busy they are. But lets all take a minute. Not to complain, but to say yes. I'm a little burnt out. Run down. I could use twelve days of sleep.
I am one of those people who hates to show a weakness. I don't want you to know if you hurt my feelings, if I'm tired, or upset, and I especially hate to cry. Crying in movies is fine. Crying about other people's lives is also fine. But to cry about my own feelings... That's a no. But sometimes by hiding these things from other people, I hide them from myself as well.
I hadn't realized that I was tired. I usually ignore such feelings and go on with my 60 hour work week between 3 jobs. "I'm fine". That's what I usually say. According to The Italian Job, fine means, freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional. That is exactly how I feel when I say that I'm fine. But I would never want you to see that. So how did I realize today that I was tired? Well first I was described as somber by a co worker. This is drastically different from my normally talkative and out going personality. So what did I do? I went and took a nap on some old sofa in the back office before my shift started. And by nap, I mean I layed there for 23 minutes while I thought about everything I needed to get accomplished in the next 3 hours to 7 years of my life.
Why can't we slow down? Why can't we just take a breath and enjoy life for a second. I have this notion of my life that I'm going to work really hard in the next 10 years. I'm going to be wise with my money, pay off my student loans. Maybe by that time I will have a husband and we can live debt free in a quaint east coast town where I can own my clothing store/coffee shop and close everyday at 5 pm just in enough time to take a walk on the beach with a glass of wine in my hand. Of course this is aside from the three months out of the year that I go travel to parts of the world that need God, and a lot of help. That is why I work so hard now. But if i'm honest with myself, there will always be something else. Some other reason to not slow down.
Now I am all about working hard and being disciplined. I was raised to work hard, with parents who always pushed me to do my best and an uncle who said, "get to work" if you were not out of your pajamas by 7am. I was on the deans list in college and I am 22 with a start up business. I believe that people should not be lazy sloths, but follow there dreams. But at what point is enough enough? I'm not sure. If you've figured this out please let me know.
And don't get me wrong. I'm young and i've got a lot of years of exciting and challenging adventures ahead of me, and I am ready for them. I just wonder if I will know when to stop. So just say, "okay, I think I'm going to work a little less, and enjoy a little more".
So now that we've all admitted to being tired, lets do something about it. For me this means that this week I am not going to take my work home with me. When i leave the studio at night I am going to go wherever it is that I am going and have an evening of not working.. What are you going to do?
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